Okay, so I've delayed doing this post because I have been trying to find my camera. I made a goal last month to start taking more pictures and so I did. I just can't figure out where I had the camera last. =/ So I've decided just to post this and once I find the camera, I'll post the pictures on their own.
I've been really down lately. For a good four years (or so) it has felt like nothing ever works out for Jeremy and I. We've had to move in the basement of my in-laws, have been here for ten months, and can't seem to get into a new place. There have been a couple of times where we thought we were, but it didn't work out. Now we can't even find a place we actually like. Everything is ghetto and needs updating and they're asking way too much for these houses. It's frustrating and I'm really having a hard time not being able to be with just my family. Not having our space. Cleaning up after other people's messes. It's getting harder and harder every day and I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Then our van broke down. Jeremy thought he could fix it, but every time he gets it back together, it seems like something else is wrong. We've had it for probably two and a half, three years and this is the first time we've had any real problems (other than the electrical problem last year). It's been down for about a month now and it's costing us a fortune in gas because we have to drive Jeremy's gas-guzzling truck all over. We seriously spend probably $100 in gas a week driving it around. Jeremy is so frustrated because he thought he could do this, but he feels like it's just chalking up to be yet another failure. He's really depressed because nothing works for us and I just don't know how to help him feel better.
I've started selling Avon again, which is nice. I really enjoy doing that because it makes me feel like I'm doing something to help us. But I always seem to struggle getting orders so it stresses me out. I hate asking people if they want to order something, because I feel like I'm imposing myself on them. I don't know.
Then there's school. I should be doing homework right now, but I felt like I needed to do this really fast. I'm super stressed with it because I have so much homework to do this weekend plus a math final that I'll be taking. Jeremy feels like he has so much to do (and there really does always seem to be yet another thing added to his list) and I can't even help with that right now because I have so much schoolwork. Luckily I've decided to take the summer off. I couldn't handle doing classes over the summer. Plus, I want to have that time with the kids.
And the kids. We've been working on potty-training Ben for a good month and a half now, but he's so stubborn. He knows to go, he's just too lazy. If he doesn't want to, he just pees in his underwear. If he does, then he'll go. But more often than not, he's just being too lazy. I know that he knows, but he just won't. He even tells me when he's peed his underwear. It's so frustrating and I don't know how to get him to do it all the time.
So that's what's going on in our lives right now. I know it's a really "downer" post, but that's how we're feeling right now and I don't really feel like sugar coating it. One thing that does cheer me up is the kids. Like this morning, Noah helped me cook his egg and he did quite a bit of it by himself. I cracked it and then he opened it into the pan. He helped me put salt and pepper on it and then I got the spatula under it when it was time. Then he flipped it by himself and he got it out of the pan by himself. When we were done, he was so excited to have cooked his egg. He said, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a chef!" It was so cute and it made me so happy to have him so excited. I try to focus on small, sweet things like that, but the bigger, difficult things just seem to be overwhelming me. Maybe we'll get a break soon? I sure hope so.
